I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
