that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
