if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
