He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
