so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
