i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
