im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
