i just google imaged poop.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
