38 yer olds are good kisserssss
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
