its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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