I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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