If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
