she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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