I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
