i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We're too hungover to prance.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
