Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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