you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
