So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
