Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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