You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
