A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
