In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
