The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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