He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
