my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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