u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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