Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
