Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
