i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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