I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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