AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
