Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
