There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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