I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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