Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
