we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
