Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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