Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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