I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I cut my penus on the lid.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
