She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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