So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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