i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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