Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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