just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
operation have a gay friend backfired
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
