So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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