haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
