For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
