Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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