i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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