I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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