So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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