Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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