I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
