im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
