and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
